You promote what you tolerate

Let that sink in. You promote what you tolerate. Let that sink in again.

I saw that on someone’s t-shirt and that mantra has stuck with me ever since. I am very careful as to what I tolerate.

What are you tolerating?

·       Lack of respect?

·       A toxic environment?

·       Bad behavior?

·       Negativity?

I could keep going on. There are some things I have absolutely no patience for. The above list is an example. I absolutely will NOT tolerate any form of it. Not even a teeny little bit of it. When I recognize it, I walk away and walk away quickly. No further reason needed.

If you cannot change it, then you need to change yourself. That could mean walking away from people or places that do not suit you or go against your core values. Never put up with bad behavior or a toxic culture. Learn to walk away as soon as you can before that becomes your norm or you promote that behavior inadvertently. Remember “you promote what you tolerate”. I have walked away from situations, people and places that do not suit my lifestyle or value system.

So, what happens when you don’t have the luxury of not being able to change the situation and you cannot just walk away?

·       You let your voice heard – Speak up of what you are willing to accept and what you will NOT put up with. Be clear with your expectations. Be clear with why you will not accept it. Be reasonable. Make sure you are not the unreasonable one or the one causing all the stir. 

·       Start planning - You plan your next move. Carefully. You assess what you will do next. You can’t change the past, but you can certainly make calculated moves towards the direction you need to go to next.

·       Get help – I’ve been in conflict situations where I could not change the very unreasonable person I was dealing with. I did try, but I couldn’t change them, not one little bit. So, I got help to change my attitude towards the person and the circumstance. I did eventually plan out my next move. It was too much of a toxic person/environment to ignore and put up with.

Never put up with people or situations that are negative towards your health (including mental health), be guarded with your inner circle and be WELL aware of what you tolerate. You promote what you tolerate.

Practice pause

Sunday morning is my yoga day. I try not to miss it, even if we have lots going on. It’s the one time in the week I practice my pause. A pause from thinking, doing, rushing, cramming everything I can do and more, and just pause. It’s a reflection of the week and a great start to the week ahead. It’s just me and my mat.  Taking everything in and letting everything go. Inhaling. Exhaling. Practicing pause.

Why don’t we just incorporate that every day? The practice of pause.

We live in a society where doing just one thing at a time is just not good enough. It’s a multi-tasking, multi-everything kind of society. We seem to be biting off more than we can chew and call it an accomplishment. Have we done it well? What did we sacrifice whizzing through it? What toes did we step on? How was our health? How did it affect our family and friends? Was it worth it in the end? Not sure if we have the answers. We may not even have time to reflect.

I know when I take to my mat every Sunday morning, I slow down. I reflect. I appreciate the moment of just being there. Taking a breath. Appreciating it. Taking a breath. Being grateful for all I have. Practicing a pause. Enjoying it. Being present in the moment. Why don’t we do it more often? Throughout the day, throughout the year, throughout our lives. Practice pause. Reflect.

1.       When it’s overwhelming – pause

2.       Not sure where to go or what to do next – pause

3.       Inundated with news of the day – pause

4.       Finished a task and before diving into the next – pause

5.       Career changes – pause

6.       In the morning before you start your day – pause

7.       In the hustle and bustle of the day – pause

8.       Anytime you feel you need it – pause

9.       Before we speak – pause

10.   At the end of the day – pause

11.   Tackling a wicked problem – pause

12.   On your vacation – pause

13.   Before saying yes – pause

14.   Before saying no – pause

15.   With your loved ones – pause. A big pause.

I’ve named only 15 but there’s so many more occasions and reasons we can pause, take things in, reflect and carve out a little break. Here’s to practicing it more…. pause. Namaste.

When life gives you lemons…

I was looking for an inspirational/get well soon card today after finding out that a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. One of them said “When life gives you lemons, you squeeze them in someone’s eyes”. Made me laugh and exactly what I needed to lighten the mood. What do you do, when life give you lemons? It can come in many forms, one of them being that dreaded C word. My daughter’s friend’s mom was also recently diagnosed, and my cousin’s been fighting it for over two years. While I have had my share of challenges, I’ve been luck enough that they haven’t been significantly life altering. So, what do you exactly do? I don’t have all the answers and it will be different for each person. I have learnt from my awesome cousin and friend that you simply keep going, as much as you can, as far as you can.

·        Take the time you need to heal. Pause, if you can. Catch your breath and assess what your next move will be. Will it be making lemonade out of the lemons you were just dished, or will it be a shot of tequila, followed quickly by that slice of lemon. Time may not be your friend, but it will give you a moment to assess and come up with a game plan of tackling the stack of lemons in front of you.

·        Appreciate the little positive moments you get in between the chaos. Every day is really a gift and should not be taken for granted. Take in the mundane, the not so exciting times and any little relief you get in between. They won’t all be bad, so treasure the positivity and the rays of sunshine as you go through your tiring journey.

·        Take a posse with you. My friend has a community around her of co-workers, close friends and of course, family. She’s building a buddy system, so she is not walking her path alone. For any life events, big or small she will be taking someone along with her, to support her, lift her up or just be there with her.

·        Do what feels right. There is no instruction manual or book to overcome life’s tough blows. Even if there were, they won’t exactly apply to what you are going through. Do what feels right. You will have lots of instructions and advice. Most of it well-intentioned. So, take the good with the bad and come up with your very own way of dealing with the stress, the tasks, the recovery and plan.

·        Ask for help. Never shy away from asking your friends and family for support or help. Most are only too happy to offer a helping hand and just need to be told what to do.

So, when life gives you lemons, what will you do? Maybe just hang in there and remind yourself that “this too shall pass”. I am not sure what exactly I would do, but I do love lemonade and a good shot of tequila.