Mindful Leadership

 Mindfulness is being aware of yourself, your feelings and being in the present moment fully. It’s being super focused on the present without judgment. Fully being here in the now. No thoughts of your to-do list, what’s in the past or what’s to come. Not as easy to do specially with all the distractions and “noise” all around. 

We have been trained to multi-task, tackle an endless list of tasks amongst the myriad of distractions. If we can’t juggle, churn results and compete tasks with speed often times we are left with feeling lack and failure. So it’s no wonder we can’t be still, be present and just tune into the present moment. This is exactly what mindfulness is. It’s shutting down that chattering mind and pressing pause, to truly take in what’s happening, what you are feeling and reflecting without judgement of yourself and others. 

So what is mindful leadership? Let’s break it down. Leadership is about empowering, guiding and moving people forward to be better, do better. Mindful leadership is about doing just that in addition to being fully present for yourself and others. Consciously being aware of the present and giving yourself and others your full attention. At times we confuse leadership with getting things done through others. It’s not just getting things done that’s important but HOW it’s done. How it’s delivered and how it’s impacting the people we lead is just as important, if not more. This is where being mindful comes in. Being mindful and truly aware of the present moment, how you are feeling and how those you lead maybe feeling allows you to not only deliver results but also deliver them mindfully, effectively and compassionately, truly empowering others to be and do their best. 

How can we practice more mindful leadership? Here’s a few of my suggestions;

1. Meditation or set aside quiet time - start with a daily habit of setting aside about 10-20 min daily to meditate or sit quietly turning off the mind chatter. Meditation is one of the most effective ways of cultivating mindfulness. It maybe difficult for some to practice quiet meditation at first, so start with small, gradual steps. There’s a ton of apps to help start a good meditation habit. Bringing awareness and focus to your breath - in through the nose, and out through the nose is one of the quickest ways to tune into the present moment and quiet the mind. Start with small moments, with a minute or two and begin to increase it slowly.
2. Pause before you act or react. Next time there’s something tugging your attention, stop, reflect, and then take action. Not everything will be a fight or flight moment. Practicing a pause allows you to be in the present moment, and reflect your best next steps. 
3. Check in with yourself and others you lead regularly. How are you doing? How are you feeling at this present moment? These are some questions you can ask yourself and others that you lead. Give yourself and others that space to answer. LISTEN to the answers without judgement. Being mindful is about being in the present moment and  your feelings with no judgement. Recognizing that there is no good or bad but that it just is. Let it sit. 
4. Hold space - to hold space for someone is truly being present, withholding judgments, and that human tendency to go into solution mode. This is true even for yourself. It’s giving yourself and those you lead the time and space when they are going through a difficult problem to slowly work itself through. 
5. Avoid picking up the phone - set aside time to leave the distractions at bay. Tempting as it maybe to multi-task, just stop. Put down the phone or whatever the other distraction is and focus on just one thing. While multi-tasking maybe an essential skill these days it dilutes the mind of really staying focused and finding that flow. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but find sometime throughout the day to focus on one thing and one thing only. 
6. Exercise - it’s yoga for me. I find an easy linkage between yoga and mindfulness but it maybe something else for you. A run, a walk, or whatever choose, find time to move. Working out the body also works the mind. It’s also a great way to release tension and stress which often gets in the way of being present and being mindful. 

Mindful,leadership is an essential quality in good leadership. You can’t be a good leader without being mindful. Practicing and cultivating mindfulness should be a daily habit. What are some of your suggestions? 

Life is precious – don’t take it for granted!

It was 9/11 about a week ago and I am reminded how fragile and precious life is.  All those who lost their lives that day, headed out that morning to work, boarded a plane, went out for a walk or started their daily routine not knowing that it was their last. Their lives and the lives of their loved ones altered forever in just a fraction of a moment. Just like that.

I remember when the son of a very good friend of ours died in a boating accident. He was 13! I recall hearing the news stunned in disbelief. He was my son’s hockey team mate. He was out on their family boat on a long weekend in the summer when tragedy struck. I still remember the faces of the family members at the funeral and my son, along with five other team mates walking beside the casket. It hit home. Life is precious. Not a single moment should ever be taken for granted.

That experience taught me a lot.

·        Don’t save things for special occasions

·        If you have something nice to say to someone, say it. Don’t hold back

·        Pursue your dreams – write them down, set goals and keep chipping away at them

·        Every morning is a gift – treat it as such

·        Your family is the most important thing in this world. Never ever take them for granted

·        Appreciate the simple treasures in life

·        Don’t put off things you can accomplish today

·        Cultivate a grateful mindset

·        Never sweat the small stuff – “Let it go” ~ Frozen

·        Appreciate all the beauty around you

·        Live in the moment. Appreciate it. Treasure it. Soak it in

·        LIVE

·        Life is short – buy the shoes, take the trip, eat the cake

·        Know that you CAN make a difference, even in the smallest of ways you can

·        There is no such thing as a perfect time

I could keep going on. We get so caught up with life and the littlest of things at times that we forget to treasure the moment, enjoy the present and really and truly be grateful for the gift we have called life. So, live it. Treasure it. Take it in. Be ever so grateful for the gift of it.    

Own it and turn it into brilliance

Have you ever seen the TV series Ballers? It’s about a “fixer”/ “man Friday” to pro-football players and a series we are hooked on watching right now. Anyway, in one of the episodes the lead character Spencer, tries to patch things up with an old rival player, Balsamo, by having him throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. It’s a huge moment for the retired footballer, Balsamo. As he comes out, the crowd cheers him on and chants his name. It’s a flashback to his glory days. He takes to the pitcher’s mound and swings it hard towards home plate. He completely misses and slams the ball straight into the stomach of the boom-mic guy on the side. The crowd starts booing and someone yells “Balsamo, you suck”. Balsamo utterly butchered his spotlight moment and he stands frozen looking around at the crowd. Instead of cowering back to the stands, he owns the blunder, throws his arms up triumphantly and confidently, egging the crowd to cheer him on. Suddenly, the fans change, and they are back to applauding him and cheering him on. It’s an amazing moment. I remember watching it thinking it’s a wonderful lesson in turning things around. Not everything will go as well as we planned so why not own it and make it a brilliant lesson.

Sure, some lessons will be humbling, very humbling and we should not or may not have the opportunity to celebrate it, like catastrophes (I won’t go into detailed examples, but you can imagine what they are). These may not be the moments we throw our arms up in the air and ask for more applause, but there are lessons we can learn. We just take them in quietly, reflecting on them with care and grace.

For the most part though mistakes are just that, mistakes. We seem to give them too much negative energy, rather than spinning them into something good and something valuable to learn from. Here’s my two cents….

·        Own it – You made the mistake, take ownership. Accept, apologize and move on.

·        Fix it – It’s yours to fix, so fix it. Figure out a way to make amends, make it better and turn it around so there’s some good that comes out of it.

·        Learn from it – Mistakes have a way of repeating themselves if you don’t learn from them the first time. Funnily enough, that’s how life works. So, learn from it, preferable the first time and not the second- or third-time round.  

·        Pay it forward – If someone’s made the same mistake, help them and support them through it. 

·        Reflect – How do you do better? How can you avoid this again? What went wrong? Reflection is key for self-growth. Careful that you don’t go down the “woah is me” path. Stay above the fray. Stay classy.

·        Turn it into brilliance – Mistakes are sometimes opportunities in the making. Penicillin and the chocolate chip cookie were discovered because Sir Alexander Fleming and Ruth Wakefield made mistakes. You may not be inventing the next Penicillin but who knows, there maybe a golden opportunity you maybe missing. Look closely. 

I just finished reading the book, #Girlboss, the rags to riches story of Sophia Amoruso who founded “Nasty Gal”, the fastest growing retailer in 2012 according to Inc Magazine. There’s a line in the book that I love…. I quote; “My advice to #GIRLBOSSes is to get excited about the mistakes you’ll make”. So, here’s to the fictional Balsamo’s and the non-fictional Sophia Amoruso’s who embraced their mistakes and turned them into brilliance. It’s time we do the same!  

You promote what you tolerate

Let that sink in. You promote what you tolerate. Let that sink in again.

I saw that on someone’s t-shirt and that mantra has stuck with me ever since. I am very careful as to what I tolerate.

What are you tolerating?

·       Lack of respect?

·       A toxic environment?

·       Bad behavior?

·       Negativity?

I could keep going on. There are some things I have absolutely no patience for. The above list is an example. I absolutely will NOT tolerate any form of it. Not even a teeny little bit of it. When I recognize it, I walk away and walk away quickly. No further reason needed.

If you cannot change it, then you need to change yourself. That could mean walking away from people or places that do not suit you or go against your core values. Never put up with bad behavior or a toxic culture. Learn to walk away as soon as you can before that becomes your norm or you promote that behavior inadvertently. Remember “you promote what you tolerate”. I have walked away from situations, people and places that do not suit my lifestyle or value system.

So, what happens when you don’t have the luxury of not being able to change the situation and you cannot just walk away?

·       You let your voice heard – Speak up of what you are willing to accept and what you will NOT put up with. Be clear with your expectations. Be clear with why you will not accept it. Be reasonable. Make sure you are not the unreasonable one or the one causing all the stir. 

·       Start planning - You plan your next move. Carefully. You assess what you will do next. You can’t change the past, but you can certainly make calculated moves towards the direction you need to go to next.

·       Get help – I’ve been in conflict situations where I could not change the very unreasonable person I was dealing with. I did try, but I couldn’t change them, not one little bit. So, I got help to change my attitude towards the person and the circumstance. I did eventually plan out my next move. It was too much of a toxic person/environment to ignore and put up with.

Never put up with people or situations that are negative towards your health (including mental health), be guarded with your inner circle and be WELL aware of what you tolerate. You promote what you tolerate.